There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
