You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
