I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
