i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Randomize