Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Shitshow foam night was such a success
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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