Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
