I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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