I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
On imdb the canadians say It's amazing
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Randomize
