so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
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