At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
