Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
