It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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