theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
