I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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