She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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