Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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