I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
