I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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