I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize