and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Randomize
