All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Randomize
