You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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