i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
You are the jesus of drinking
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
