Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Randomize
