Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
