that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Randomize