Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I want to be your penis for a week.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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