i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
