I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
