Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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