I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
