I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
