I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
