Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
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