If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Randomize
