having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
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