GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
