I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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