got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
