U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
