well I can't set my house on fire every night
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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