If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize