woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
