he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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