I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
jump out the window naked night went bad
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
