feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
