I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
