? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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