Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize