That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Randomize
