Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
it was like his penis was on wheels.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
