Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
