shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
We talked him into tasing himself.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize