I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
