You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
