I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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