i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Randomize
