just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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