There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
