I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
