You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
