so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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