:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
