my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
