Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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