I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
