I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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