Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
