We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
