We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
