I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
