thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
