I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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