shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
