On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
