i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
He kissed a someone with a penis
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
