hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
