just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
he shaved USA in his pubs
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
