I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
