Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
