Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
And then he peed in my hair
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
