I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Randomize
