Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
