btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Actions speak louder than pants.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
the liver wants what the liver wants
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
