The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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