Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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