The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize