My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
