is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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