he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
