I bet he comes in French.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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