Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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