Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
how do flat chested girls get laid?
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Randomize
