I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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