watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
