Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
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