Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
