4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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