btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
