if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
