I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
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