Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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